Let Love Drive
“Are you ready?” This was the question I asked him as he contemplated the idea of moving on from his professional football career into a world of product management and entrepreneurship. O’Hare was an Ivy-League graduate with a successful football career succeeding his academic accomplishments. He was always a planner. He noticed his football career coming to an end and he was mapping out his 3-5 year trajectory. While processing his next steps, O’Hare asked to speak with me about the best way to bring his entrepreneurial goals into reality.
As he talked, and I listened, there was a hum. An underlying note that you could only hear if you listened closely. I’ve heard that hum before, many times. It’s the vibration of the incongruent feeling behind people’s choice words. It only comes out if what you’re saying isn’t aligned with your inner truth. And ironically, the person talking can’t hear it, but the listener can. It comes out in a faint yet loud, annoying, simple hum that they thought they were quieting with carefully articulated speech.
“Are you ready to leave football?” I asked more directly this time. He paused. Stared. Looked up. Then stared at me again. “Do you think it’s possible to be elite in 2 things?” he asked. He talked about how he built his career in football, the work he put in, the goals he reached, the money he made, and he questioned if he could do it again - start from the beginning in another industry and achieve comparable accolades. “Possible? Yes. But maybe not at the same time.” I suggested.
You see, I wanted O’Hare to understand the importance of reflecting on the season he’s in, and not skip any steps in recognizing if he was ready to leave it. Things came up like age, going back to school too late, and getting behind in his next goal if he continues to work on his impact on the football field too long - i.e. fear. He was leaving football because he was afraid he was staying in it too long, instead of being inspired by his next season. O’Hare was making a decision out of fear vs. out of love. Fear of not doing the right thing vs. being inspired by the love of his vision. His follow up questions hummed with the same resonance of fear - “Do you think it’s ever too late to go to business school?” “Do you think if I spend too much time on football, I’m missing out on the potential of starting my business?” Fear. Fear. Fear.
2 Timothy 1:7 says “For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” Fear is often a distraction that can deter us from the right decision. Fear is not from God, and it certainly isn’t the emotion you can stay in if you want to be fruitful. Now, I didn’t stop the session and speak scripture over him, but I asked him if I could invite a different perspective with a little psychology attached. I explained the importance of a strong internal locus of control. When we comfortably make decisions that are aligned with our own strengths, interests, and values, that is a good indication that our internal locus of control is intact. It’s a belief that one is confident about the control they have over circumstances, outcomes, and achievements. When our decisions based off of external factors, like people’s opinion, the market, or in O’Hare’s case, a timeline, that means our internal locus of control is malfunctioning and we need to be reminded of times when we made decisions based off of our own desires, calling, and intuition - and it worked out. I believe this process is also biblically based.
In John 14:26 it says, “But when the Father sends the Advocate as my representative - that is, the Holy Spirit – he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I have told you.” This verse tells us that one of the Holy Spirit’s roles is to bring to our remembrance things we have forgotten - including answered prayers, moments when you were strengthened by Him, and truths about what you’re capable of doing through Jesus. Inviting the Holy Spirit in and submitting your thoughts to his thoughts allows your inner being to be encouraged by the truth that you are chosen and appointed to bear fruit (John 15:16). That you are God’s workmanship created for good works (Ephesians 2:10). And that you can cast all your anxiety on Him, because he cares for you (1 Peter 5:7).
To be honest, O’Hare is me. And I am him. Not literally, but philosophically. Fear has made me question what impact I can make and how it’s even possible to dream that big. It made me question my worth. It made me question my influence. It made me question answered prayers. It’s gone as far as to make me question God’s workmanship. And because of all of these fear based questions, I was making decisions that were turning me away from my predestined purpose instead of running towards it. I wrote this because I began asking questions inspired by love, and not fear. Instead of my fear of rejection influencing the question “Do you think there’s anyone that will actually read this?”, my love for people inspired the question “What if there is one person counting on me to write this?”. And if that one person is you, it was all worth it.
With Love,
Elle Bee
